


Miranda's Story

by SwimmingTiger



Category: Star Stable Online
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 17:01:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12752472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwimmingTiger/pseuds/SwimmingTiger
Summary: "back story" for Miranda Shadowborn.At 26, Miranda is struggling to right herself after a couple of rough years. Her worsening depression, unemployment, and the sudden loss of custody aren't helping matters. And although running away from home is almost never the answer- well, sometimes it is.





	Miranda's Story

**Author's Note:**

> Suicide is barely mentioned... nothing graphic.

Miranda stood in the middle of the house. It was quiet and still but for the cat at the back door, crying to be let out.

The cat wasn't allowed out. It never had been. She cried anyway.

Miranda wanted to cry too, but didn't. “Some people have real problems.” She said flatly. Problems were all she had, currently. Nothing in her life seemed to be going right.

Just this afternoon, she'd lost custody of her daughter. Temporarily, but still. Miranda was told, repeatedly, that moms _always_ get custody. She wouldn't have a problem at all, everyone said. Miranda tried to explain how her premonitions, often correct, made it hard to differentiate between a fear and an event that was sure to come. She tried to explain how her anxiety amplified even the most irrational fear.. but people shushed her. Wished her luck.

Turns out the judge took things like anxiety and depression into account. Her ex could go off and spend nights at the club, trying to become the next Eminem. He could go out and drink beer while watching football and wrestling and pick up the baby while tipsy, but the judge did not want to hear these things. The ex appeared in court dressed in a responsible man costume, and spoke of his new house (the girlfriends), his new job (with the girlfriends family) and his trying to start a family (probably the girlfriends idea as it never appealed to him where Miranda and their daughter were concerned).

Meanwhile Miranda was a mess. She cried. She pleaded. She tried to explain that she'd only been unemployed because she had been taking care of her mother as she went through chemo, and radiation, and surgery. She tried to provide receipts to prove her exes inability to be a good father, how he cheated, never helped with the bills. The judge accused her of mudslinging. Her ex pointed out how Miranda was unemployed even before her mother got sick, and how her depression left her spacey and irrational.

Miranda forbade Jamie, her boyfriend, from missing work to come to support her, and was too embarrassed to ask her sisters. The ex brought his mom, who looked conflicted, and some friends, who nodded gravely in agreement to these allegations.

And so Miranda lost the one thing that had been keeping her alive for the past several years.

Of course, it was nothing compared to last year, when she got the call that dad was in the hospital, and she had to scramble to get from San Diego to Los Angeles (this is a big deal when you don't have a car). Jamie bought her a train ticket of course, but by the time she got there it was too late. Miranda and her siblings stood over his lifeless body, watching as he grew less and less responsive when the doctors poked his feet and hands.

The last time she spoke with him, she had yelled at him for something. She couldn't remember now. Just that he had died with that being one of their last conversations. They weren't on bad terms, not really. But growing up he was a bit scary. He was a loving man, and a good father, her mom would say. It was the drugs... In the past few years, though, he had made a lot of effort to repair the strained relationship with generosity. Meaning: he loved throwing money at her when he did visit. It was months after that she realized exactly how helpful that had been.

There was other stuff too, but you get the gist.

It would be about 4 hours til Jamie gets home, she thought. He had texted and asked how it went, but she couldn't formulate a response. She considered drawing a bath.

She considered...

...

But the cat box smelled.

_I don't want to die in a room that smells like cat piss._

Instead she laid on the bed and the cat trotted over to curl up on her chest. It was awkward but kept Miranda still.

She thought about her recent interview. She was positive she'd get the job, as they'd actually called her back for an interview, unlike dozens of other resumes she'd sent out. The woman ran a therapeutic riding center and the website made it sound like it was a homey ranch place for kids with disabilities to bond with horses and learn confidence and discipline. When she got there however, she saw a place where kids could go on a short trail ride once a week, if they had enough money. She was often thrown by how much things cost, though.

Miranda tried hard to express that she would be a good fit, as she was autistic herself. And had tons of office experience. And a child of her own, which made her patient. But something about the twist in the womans mouth made Miranda think that she'd already dismissed her. In a panic, she told the woman that she was desperate to start working, as she'd been in San Diego for close to two years with no luck.

The woman smiled a tight, curt smile and shrugged. “Sorry, hon. I just don't think you'd fit here.”

Before that, she'd applied as a volunteer crew member for the debut voyage of a newly built model of a historic ship. It was volunteer but they'd be keeping people on when the ship was docked, and became part of the Maritime museum. Mirandas father had been in the navy, and his first love was the sea. Jamie encouraged her, as they had done living history events, and he thought that she was happier then. At the time Jamie would have done anything to help find something that brought her joy. And possibly a paying job, though that was less important to him.

You couldn't blame her for wanting that connection with her father but still. She was sent home after two straight days of being seasick. She loved the sea, and the salt, and the wind. But the sea did not love her back.

So she turned to horses, _her_ first love. The problem there was, the horse people in her area were a tight knit, closed-off group. Even the ones willing to hire inexperienced stable hands looked at her scuffed shoes and flannel with a missing button and shook their heads when she walked up and asked about employment.

She'd been trying since they'd moved there, and nothing. So she stayed home and tried to keep house for Zoe and Jamie, who had moved down here for a better job and decided he didn't want to live without her. Moving was hard but she liked living in an area more rural than L.A. She just didn't like not being able to help with bills.

“If I go away for a while will you still love me?” She asked Jamie later that night.

He'd brought home a pizza, anticipating her not wanting to cook. It hurt her stomach and she was curled in a ball with her back to him.

“Where do you want to go?” He asked, rubbing her back over the covers.

She thought about the ad she'd seen for the tiny stable in the middle of a tiny island, at least an ocean away. She'd seen it in at the bottom of the back of a horse trade paper that she'd grabbed while walking home from the interview.

“Away.”

“I'd miss you. And of course I'll still love you. We'll do whatever you need right now.” And so she explained the job and its appeal. To her surprise, Jamie paid for her plane ticket, and made sure she had enough cash, and drove her to the airport.

“I'll miss you too.” she said as she kissed him goodbye.

She'd tried taking an anxiety pill, to sleep through the plane ride. Miranda hated flying. She was afraid to bring the pills along, as they really only worked at making her sleepy. Also, she didn't want them to be confiscated.

But for some reason, this was the one time her pills did not knock her out for fifteen straight hours. She stared out the window, frozen with horror, and thought of death. Of crashing. Of pain.

Anything to keep from thinking of her daughter.

She was sitting on the bus, bumping its way along to Moorland when it occurred to her that they may not hire her on. She told Jamie that she called in advance, but she did not. She was taking a huge chance, and figured that even if she just got away for a bit it would do her some good. In retrospect, it was probably a really dumb idea.

If they said no, it would be the most expensive rejection ever.

Miranda looked out the window. She wanted to take a deep breath, knowing the green outside would smell completely different from the green back home. But she'd wait til the chugging diesel bus was gone. On the other side were the still, calm waters of a silver river, opening onto a mostly empty beach. A girl had flown by then, on a great gray horse. Its mane was flying and its dapples winked as it carried the girl passed the bus and towards .. a fort of some sort? She wondered how old the island was. She found herself suddenly curious about its history.

The driver let her off, and pointed her down a hill, towards where Moorland was. More girls rode past, and some had tied their horses to the fence by the bus stop, chatting about the mall in Jorvik city. Miranda petted each horse, shyly. She couldn't help herself, she had to tell them how handsome they were.

Miranda took deep breaths as she walked down the road. The trees held unfamiliar aromas, and the air was sweet and clean. Every now and then she'd smell a new flower, or a bit of sea, or horse sweat, or dried wood. It all smelled wonderful to her. When the road was clear she closed her eyes and tried to listen to see if the island had a message for her. She heard a heartbeat, slow and ancient and deep. The strings of a harp, just a few notes, like a song carried on the wind from afar. She heard a voice. “ _Go. Go. He's waiting, he's been waiting.”_

 _For me?_ Miranda thought _._

The message wasn't frightening, but Miranda couldn't figure it out, and so to prevent her nerves from taking over, she just walked. An old man shooed her off his farm, and she hurried her pace a little. She counted the horses as she walked, a little faster, down the hill, stopping every now and then to set her suitcase down. Three black ones. Two gray. One white. Five brown. One yellow.

Three weeks ago, after she'd secured her ticket, she'd dreamed of a horse that was sort of red, and sort of gray, and sort of brown, and dappley all over, with a white mane and tail. She'd never seen a horse like it, except in dreams, recently and when she was a kid. She remembered being seven and having a recurring dream about that this horse was in her backyard, or eating the herbs in grandmothers garden, or taking her to school. In reality, she was always a little afraid of horses. In dreams she was a great rider, possibly due to the gentle nature of the dream steed. Miranda wondered if a horse that like even existed as she walked through the gates.

A blonde woman smiled when she saw Miranda approach. A genuine smile, one that crinkled the sides of her cornflower blue eyes. She was holding an old and disgruntled looking cat and a clipboard.

“Hi, I'm the stable manager, Jenna. Can I help you with something?” she asked, dropping the orange cat and walking over.

“I'm .. I... I was....” Even though it was a mostly downhill walk, Miranda was winded. She blushed and tried again. “I'm hoping, saw that you were... looking for. Hiring- stable girls?”

“Well you're a little older than most of our applicants for stable girl....” Jenna winked. She looked at her clipboard, and Mirandas heart sank, misreading her attempts at being friendly.

“Oh...” She was about to ask when the next bus was when Jenna made a small noise of exclamation.

“Ah! It would appear that we just had a girl transfer over to Silverglade. Sooo.. we do have a space. As I mentioned- most of our girls are younger, some just out of school, but a few babies too. Would you want to be like a... den mother? I could use someone to keep an eye out for the little ones. It just gets so busy around here, I can barely keep track of them all. It doesn't pay much, but we can board you for the summer. And there's plenty of odd jobs to be had around town. What do you think?”

Miranda blinked and steadied herself. “Yea sure, I.. would be happy to.”

“Perfect!” Jenna made a small note on her clip board. “Now, if you go speak with Justin, that young man over in the courtyard there- he can see about loaning you a horse for the summer. While you're doing that, I'll make sure the room is cleared. Off you go!”

Justin had a kind face and a mop of black hair. He was helping a girl onto a large seal brown horse when Miranda approached. She watched as he spoke quietly to the horse and the girl, and smiled briefly as she rode off on her own. He turned and saw Miranda, waiting by the wall, not wanting to interrupt.

“Hey! How's it going?” He ambled over to her and wiped his foot on a tuft of grass. “Are you here for the summer?”

Miranda nodded and studied him as he approached. There was a sadness in his eyes that he covered with a smile. He was used to being around girls, and made it a point to be kind and non threatening to them. There was worry in his brow- he was too young to have a line there. Justin had been frowning a lot lately, she reckoned. Just then he looked up at her and half-smiled, and Miranda felt slightly more at ease, after her assessment. “I'm supposed to see you about a horse for the summer?” She asked.

“Oh I see. Do you have a preference? No? Well then. I think...” He put a hand to his chin and made a big show of scrunching up his face as if in deep thought. “Come here, I want you to meet someone.”

Miranda braced herself, waiting for the breakdown that came with meeting too many people when she was already short on spoons, but it didn't come. Instead the voice whispered “ _go, go..._ ”

Justin lead her to the stable, past a beautiful dark bay and a stately appaloosa. She would have been content with either until she saw the horse he was leading towards her.

“He just came back to us, the owners moved off the island and are boarding him here.” He leaned toward her to whisper, “You know, most girls want a _stallion_ or a ' _girl horse_ ', cause.. I don't know, horse books? And Silver here is a gelding. He's not Mr. Popular but he's smart as a whip and darn handsome.” Justin chuckled to himself. “Well _I_ think he is, don't you? You don't see this coloring too often.”

Miranda was dumbstruck. The horse was kind of gray, and kind of brown and kind of red, with dapples. His mane shone silver, and fell in little waves. The horse shoved passed him and pushed his snout into Mirandas hands, then sniffed at her hair and arms. She rubbed his soft nose and tried not to be overwhelmed by the dream horse made real before her.

“Oh hey- What do we call you?” Justin asked, remembering his manners.

“Miranda.” She whispered, more to the horse than the boy.

“Well Miranda, meet Silvershade. Until we hear otherwise, he's all yours.”

The horse tossed his head, and Justin stepped back, suddenly feeling like a third wheel. He handed Miranda the reins and slipped out the stable door, smiling to himself. He chose wisely.

“It's nice to finally meet you” Miranda murmured to the horse.

She heard another voice, different from the first...

 _I've waited so long_.

For the first time in years Miranda didn't feel sad or sick or tired or afraid or empty.

She felt .. right.

 


End file.
